Most people know that I and my family are always on the go. Many people have asked me how I can juggle so many things into my life. I work full time as a controller (usually 43-46 hours a week). I usually help my parents at Northwood on Saturdays (yes we drive up to Logan nearly every weekend). I have 2 small children, most of the time, except every other weekend when Terra goes to her mom’s. I still manage to do most of the housework, all of the laundry and cooking, and am over half way through my master’s degree. I don’t say this to be applauded in anyway. Most of the time I don’t mind my life being so busy, I rarely have idle time, and I like it.
I’m usually a keep-to-myself person, but I’ve had so many things spiraling through my mind lately that I’m starting to wonder if I’m going crazy. I’m not sure what has been causing it. It could be solely based on the high stress levels or I may have tried to overdo it taking 3 classes this semester (which was my choice, I’m ready to be done with school). Jeremy says it is because of my hormones (I took my IUD out in June and am not used to the hormones changes).
For some of you that don’t know I’m trying to get pregnant. I didn’t realize how emotional it would be to “try” and conceive. My pregnancy with Wyatte was an accident (the best accident ever though). I guess I assumed that once we were actually “trying” it would come very easily. I may be a drama queen about the whole thing; I do understand that these things take time. Despite the fact that I fundamentally understand that things happen in their own time I still find myself crying at the news of someone else being pregnant. It may be the “controller” coming out in me but it is terrible. Every time that I start my period I cry. My hormones must be going crazy!
In some ways I wonder why I’m suddenly so eager for another. I’ve never been baby hungry. I mean it was this spring that we decided that we wanted another child. Wyatte has been such a blessing and a challenge. I wonder what it would be like to actually hold your baby after they are born, not having to wait a couple of hours to see your baby and wait another 2 months before they come home. What it would be like to have a baby that just sits up, crawls, walks, or jumps by themselves without practicing hundreds of times with us and with the help of physical therapists. Wyatte has come so far and I am so proud of him. I would imagine how other parents could look at these as mere “milestones” rather than huge “accomplishments”.
I’m not sure what possessed me to feel like posting my feeling out on the internet but I’m hoping that getting it out there will help me get a better grasp on the situation.
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2 comments:
I'm glad you posted, I found your blog through Hayleys. I can relate. We had to wait 13 months before getting pregnant - with a miscarriage in between - then Bevan was in the NICU for 14 days and we couldn't hold him for 7 days. Even though Bevan is only 3 months, I am baby hungry again, but no baby yet, so the cycle continues. The hard part I found was having patience, rather than just plain old endurance!
Amanda, It will happen. I laugh cause I didn't think either of us knew how similar we were. We need to talk!!!
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